 Have you ever wondered why a survivor of abuse never tells anyone what happened to them? You are not alone. This is the same question that myself and nearly every man and woman survivor of abuse I have worked with has been asked. “Why did you not tell anyone?” This is a very legitimate question.
As children it was most likely out of fear as a result of something said to us by our perpetrator. It was only when I sat with my therapist and began working on and taking a serious look at that question, that I was fully able to understand and grasp the enormity of reasons I never told anyone. It is important to understand that not only myself nor any of the men or women I had worked with, were not going around with these reasons floating in the forefront of our mind. They were reasons that unbeknownst to us, were hidden and kept secret in the depths of our subconscious mind. I passionately call them the “innate survive skills” that God had instilled in us. I will be as bold to say that I believe these the survivor skills are God given gifts instilled in us at the time of conception. In this blog I will share with you a list of reason survivors of abuse don’t tell. Before I do, I want to briefly share two of my reasons I never told anyone. Both of these events took place in 1969.
So, the reasons we don’t tell seems pretty evident – if we do, people won’t care and people won’t listen to us. Shouldn’t that be enough reason not to tell? Especially when we can’t get people that should be protecting us ignoring our need for help. All that being said, below is an extensive list of why victims of any kind of abuse don’t tell: • The “Societal Rules” • Don’t Cry - whatever you do don’t cry, I’ll give you something to cry about! Like we really need something us to cry about.
• Too young to put what has happened into words • We’re threatened or bribed by the abuser to keep the abuse secret • Feel confused by the attention and feelings accompanying the abuse • Are afraid no one will believe them • Blame themselves or believe the abuse is punishment for being "bad" • Feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell • Worry about getting into trouble or getting a loved one into trouble • The Granddaddy of all – SHAME Something you might not know or understand is how we feel about ourselves. Thus here are four simple truths – Tainted – Disgusting- Dirty – Weak/ less than a boy, girl, man, or woman. Be sure to read next week’s blog as we close out this month’s series on April being Child Abuse Prevention Month.
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The Signs, Examples, and Effects of Child Abuse
Child abuse is a pervasive and distressing issue that can have long-lasting consequences on a child's physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. It manifests in various forms and can occur in any social, economic, or cultural context. Recognizing the signs and understanding the examples and effects of child abuse are crucial steps in addressing this societal problem. Signs of Child Abuse: Recognizing signs of child abuse can be challenging as they may vary depending on the type of abuse and the child's personality. However, some common indicators include: 1.)Physical Signs: Unexplained bruises, cuts, burns, or other injuries, especially if they appear in clusters or have unusual shapes. Injuries that have not been adequately explained or frequent accidents may also raise suspicion. 2.)Emotional Signs: Withdrawn behavior, fear of certain individuals or situations, excessive crying, anxiety, depression, or sudden changes in mood or behavior can be signs of emotional abuse or neglect. 3.)Behavioral Signs: Aggressive behavior, self-harm, substance abuse, poor academic performance, or regression to earlier developmental stages can indicate that a child is experiencing abuse or neglect. 4.)Relationship Signs: Difficulty forming attachments, avoiding physical contact, or exhibiting overly sexualized behavior can suggest sexual abuse. Examples of Child Abuse: Child abuse can take various forms, each with its own set of damaging effects: 1.)Physical Abuse: This involves deliberately causing physical harm to a child, such as hitting, punching, kicking, or burning. It can also include excessive discipline or restraint. 2.)Emotional Abuse: Emotional abuse undermines a child's self-worth and emotional well-being through verbal assaults, threats, rejection, or constant criticism. It may also involve isolating a child from social interactions or exposing them to domestic violence. 3.)Neglect: Neglect occurs when a caregiver fails to provide for a child's basic needs, such as food, shelter, clothing, medical care, or supervision. It can result from poverty, substance abuse, mental illness, or parental incompetence. 4.)Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse involves any form of sexual activity with a child, including molestation, rape, incest, or exploitation through pornography or prostitution. Perpetrators of sexual abuse can be family members, acquaintances, or strangers. Effects of Child Abuse: The effects of child abuse can be profound and long-lasting, impacting every aspect of a child's life: 1.)Physical Health: Physical abuse can lead to injuries, chronic pain, and long-term health problems. Neglect can result in malnutrition, developmental delays, and susceptibility to illness due to inadequate healthcare. 2.)Emotional Well-being: Emotional abuse can cause low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming trusting relationships. Children who experience abuse may also develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other mental health disorders. 3.)Social Development: Child abuse can impair a child's social skills, leading to isolation, difficulty making friends, and challenges in school or other social settings. It can also perpetuate cycles of violence and dysfunction within families. 4.)Long-term Consequences: Survivors of child abuse are at increased risk of substance abuse, homelessness, incarceration, and suicide later in life. The effects of childhood trauma can persist into adulthood, impacting relationships, career success, and overall quality of life. Child abuse is a serious and pervasive issue with devastating consequences for individuals and society as a whole. Recognizing the signs, understanding the examples, and addressing the effects of child abuse are critical steps in protecting children and promoting their well-being. It requires a collective effort from families, communities, and policymakers to create safe environments where every child can thrive free from harm. This Month I will be writing about different facts and statistics of emotional, physical, spiritul, and sexual abuse.
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AuthorCathy and I have been happily married since 1983. However it has not been without our share of issues, yet we have persevered through all of them. We have three amazing kids that have grown into well respected and loved adults in their communities. We are the proud "Papo" & "Mami" of three beautiful granddaughters and 2 handsome grandsons. We enjoy spending quality time with our family. Randy enjoys cycling, working out, hunting, fishing, and playing the guitar. Cathy loves working in the garden, cooking, and camping. Together we love traveling. Although we have been blessed to visit several foreign countries, our favorite place to travel to is the beautiful island of Maui where we spend most of our time together laying on the beach enjoying the serenity of the Maui energy. Archives
July 2024
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